names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
