dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
