I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
