So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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