we have pet lesbian snakes
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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