Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
