Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
