reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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