You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Randomize
