you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
