distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
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