i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Randomize
