I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
