on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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