You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
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