She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
