Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
