Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize