Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Randomize
