Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
