Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
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