She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Randomize
