we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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