I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
