Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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