opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize