lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
