I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
