I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
