Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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