I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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