the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You are the jesus of drinking
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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