Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
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