Can i not drive my cunt home
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Randomize
