Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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