What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
