mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize