how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
