Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Randomize