arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Watching her eat just hurts me
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
