Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
