I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Randomize
