Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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