Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
It's rum buckets o'clock
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
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