oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
