So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
