I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
