well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
