doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
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