Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
