I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
