I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
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