Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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