he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
