If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize