Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
