If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
We talked him into tasing himself.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
