yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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