when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
