the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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