so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
