she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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