So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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