when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
