There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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