I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
