he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize
