Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
