i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
