fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
