Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
