Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize
