i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
