Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
