Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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