i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
