Where did you get a picture of my penis
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
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