Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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