Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
