the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
