I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Randomize
