Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
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