I cannot find my penis.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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