i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Randomize