everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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