i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I puked a lego.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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