the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
