I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
