It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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