Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Randomize
