hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Randomize
