Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
