this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Randomize
