i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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