smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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