I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
