he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
