I want to make a zoo with you.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
