just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
