Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize