I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
