so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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