i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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