You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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